the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
