i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
