you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
