are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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