yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I die, sorry about rent.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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