I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
