my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
