i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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