This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
