Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
