Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
