I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
