Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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