Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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