he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
