all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
