Got a toothbrush?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
