I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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