A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
