I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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