I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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