it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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