i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
