i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
