she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
