this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
