Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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