moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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