I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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