anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
