I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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