I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
