just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
