I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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