He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
