Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
