apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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