My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
