Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
