I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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