so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
