Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
