What a fucking waste of an outfit
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
me + whiskey = a bad person
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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