Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Found your dick twin last night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
