Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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