why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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