9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
