Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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