After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
