neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
